A memo to Long Suffering

Dear Husband,

The Motherf*ckers Ball is Not An Appropriate Nursery Rhyme.

No, really, it’s not.

Yes, I know our children can’t talk, but what must the neighbours think about your choice in nighttime soothing music?**

Just in case we are in any doubt about the subject matter enclosed in your oh-so-charming ditty, I counted references to:

• Given the context, what I can only presume is female genitalia, and not an alternative slang term for what is commonly known as a cat (see: Mrs Slocombe in Are You Being Served to experience this particular joke being slowly beaten to death. Pick any episode you like, the writers made sure to really really milk it).
• Promiscuous sex. Or at least a very sociable cat.
• Lots of liberal abuse of the f-bomb.
• The above item starting with the sixth letter of the alphabet in active connection with the song writer’s mother in law. Not to be too subtle about it.
• The, um, balladeer’s enthusiastic expressions of appreciation for said in.tercourse with aforementioned maternal relative of his spouse.
• And probably lots more rude stuff.

Yes, I know your daughters both make goo-goo eyes and chuckle like it’s just an utter riot, but it will be a riot of an entirely different nature if either of their first words involve any permutation on the general themes of mother-fornicator OR the sharing-is-caring dissemination of a not-cat-pussy. If you get my drift.

With love etc,

Your wife.

 

** I must warn any clickers on the above link (probably too late, unless unlike myself you are not an impulsive clicker. I would have already gone ‘Oooh linky’ and abused my eardrums. Probably.) that it’s quite rude. Really.

Is that a late sudden rush of curious clicks I hear? Don’t say I didn’t warn you….or provide you with an embedded copy right after the disclaimer.

Just remember, Long Suffering sings this to his daughters. I think it’s time for both of us to learn some nursery rhymes. Don’t you?