Let me divulge the rather attractive list of side effects that my luteal-propping progesterone has the power to inflict. Fresh from the ‘mouth’ of the information leaflet:
Very common
- Cramps, abdominal pain, perineal pain
- Headache
- Breast pain
- Constipation
- Feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness, feeling emotional, sleepiness.
Common
- Bloating.
- Dizziness.
- Vaginal discharge.
- Diarrhoea, vomiting.
- Painful sex.
I immediately dismissed many of these items as either not especially connected with the known pharmacology of progesterone at the dose provided, or just plain weird. Who the hell gets diarrhoea AND constipation?
In an interesting aside, the most common reported side effects of PLACEBO are headache, dizziness, nausea, and constipation or diarrhoea. Let’s hear it for placebo effect and placebo SIDE-effect.
But the mood item, despite my scoffing? Surprisingly accurate. Just ask my long suffering spouse. In fact, it should be entered more accurately as ’raving madwoman’.
Let me explain.
I’ll start with the dreams. The nightmares I’ve been having are intense enough to make me get out of bed three hours early. I just can’t stand the ritual mental self-flagellation all night. I’m exhausted and yet I cannot rest.
More superficially, yesterday I couldn’t for the life of me find a single, solitary, way to be happy with my appearance before leaving the house. I didn’t leave because I couldn’t bear people to see me. For absolutely no objective reason. Realistically, other than some ovarian-enlargement-and-progesterone-bowel-dilatation induced gut bloating, nothing has changed in the way I look. I will never be a supermodel, but I’m not completely offensive to the visual system.
This sudden degree of histrionic over-reaction is most odd on my part. My hair usually looks like I’ve gone through a hedge backwards, so why this would cause me such intense psychological distress now, I cannot fathom.
It gets better.
I, totally randomly, cried in the car on the way to work this morning. If you asked me why, well, to my eternal confusion I have absolutely no idea.
Even the very reasonable point that we have plenty of embryos for FET’s before another full cycle gives me no mental relief. I have had visions of all 11 embryos biting uterine dust over the next six months and my RE cheerfully telling me that I would have be better flushing them down the loo since it would so clearly be a better gestator than I.
Yet oddly, I’m not truly all that worried about this cycle. It either works, or it doesn’t. Simple.
In summary, I am a totally insufferable, self-absorbed, pathetic mess and I know it.
October 5, 2007 at 8:35 am
ahhhhhhhh the wonderful tales of the Infertile and the Progesterone
October 5, 2007 at 9:41 am
perhaps some painful sex would help your mood???
Hope you start to feel better!
October 5, 2007 at 9:50 am
I really hope this works out for you. I’ll have to hate you if it does, but I think I’ll get over it.
Progesterone sucks.
October 5, 2007 at 10:08 am
Oof… you do sound like a nightmare (sorry!).
Well, I don’t think there’s a whole lot I can say to cheer you up, I mean… this isn’t YOU.. it’s the drugs talking and what can I say, they’re miserable little fuckers.
So I say go out and buy yourself something.. something nice. Something that makes you feel beautiful. It won’t help completely but at least for a few moments you can feel yourself again.
Cheer up.
Anns xo
October 5, 2007 at 10:36 am
You said “Yet oddly, I’m not truly all that worried about this cycle. It either works, or it doesn’t. Simple.”
Its strange – this is *exactly* what my friend said going into her ART cycle. (It was successful, sounds like the right attitude to have)
Also, I bloat easily. Do you recommend buying a couple of pairs of larger pants going into IVF? (I know, what a stupid question to ask when you are so emotional…)
October 5, 2007 at 10:37 am
Ah, my dear, dear, Geohde. This is the perfect post to illustrate why we don’t require external forces to make us feel bad or inadequate because we excel at torturing ourselves altogether on our own. Sigh. Really hoping that you find some peace. I’m sure the sleep deprivation is only magnifying the bloody awful side effects. Hang in there my friend.
October 5, 2007 at 12:14 pm
O Progesterone how I miss thee. The insanity, the bloating, the hard, itchy spot on my bum. Yes I, too, cried for no reason. Not just once, but pretty much hourly. It got to a point where I just stopped wearing mascara.
I really wish it would be socially acceptable and not somewhat illegal to test out how our husbands would do on this lovely product. Convincing them would probably be out of the question.
October 5, 2007 at 12:57 pm
So in other words, you’re hanging in there. Great! Probably the best you could have hoped for, I’d say.
Bea
October 5, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Happy Days then at the moment then for you. You poor sod.
It’s no fun, is it. And there’s fuck-all that can be done about it. Hang in there. It will be worth it..
October 5, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Hell, ride it out for all it’s worth! Be insufferable to your DH, because you have a pretty darned good excuse. If you are fortunate enough to be pg after all this, the emotional roller coaster will only get worse, so best to start taking advantage of it now!
(Seriously, I’m sorry you’re feeling crummy. I can sympathesize, because it reminds me of the good old Clomid days.)
October 6, 2007 at 4:48 am
Oh yes, that old appearance demon when in reality not that much has changed (perhaps two pounds extra at the most) but we feel as attractive as horse dung. Sounds horrible, J, I hope this cycle passes as fast as possible.
Thank you for your comment. I almost leaped down the computer when I read it, you know other women who have had infections related to cerclages? Really? Did they go on to have ok pregnancies afterwards? And thank you for the encouragement to just wait and see, rather than leap into another cerclage.
Hope you don’t run into any peacocks, that was too funny, what a bizarre story.
October 7, 2007 at 12:31 am
((((geohde)))) awww, poor thing!
October 7, 2007 at 1:36 pm
I enjoyed this post immensely. Sorry to laugh at your expense – but it is just too true. I have been crying today for no reason and yet it felt so good to let it all go for a bit.
I continue to cross my fingers this cycle will be the one that makes it all worth it.
October 8, 2007 at 6:26 am
[...] taking full responsibility for my actions, I’m going to blame first and foremost the progesterone and throw in a side-serving of due date for PBWCLEW, one presumably failed IVF, and the fact [...]
October 17, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I’ve got this box of bubbles too, and when I read these side effects out to my husband, and got to “feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness”, he fainted dead away. (Y’know, metaphorically.) For my money, rather than “feelings of severe sadness and unworthiness”, it should say, “you will feel very say because you actually are completely unworthy. You think you could mother? Ho-kay. There’s nothing arbitraty about infertility, you know. This is karma, baby. Karma.” Or some shit like that.
October 17, 2007 at 12:30 pm
I mean, for me, it should say that. Not for you.
November 2, 2007 at 10:33 am
[...] call me, I thought you might like to hear about the side effects of the drugs I’m on. (Actually, Geohde, who is much cleverer and funnier than I, has already blogged about this, so skip straight to her [...]